We have a heartbeat…..

I went for a scan today.

After the spotting last week (thankfully only for 4 days), and my own sense of disbelief, the scan finally proved it to me today. I am pregnant.

There was one sticky bean out of the two…..and my husband is more than a little relieved about that!!  The image was obviously very small but you could see the heartbeat flickering away.

I go back for another scan next week. 

I feel so lucky that at such an early stage, I already have two pictures of this munchkin. Not everyone can say they have a picture of themselves as a small embryo! 

So now he/she just needs to hold on tight. Fingers crossed.

Spoke too soon?

Why do issues always arise on a weekend or bank holiday?

Easter Monday I woke up to find I had started spotting.  It’s amazing how quickly the panic started rising within me.

I called the non emergency NHS number, who in turn got a doctor to call me back. That phone call was the first time I said it out loud – that I am 5 weeks pregnant. It was just the harsh reality of having to follow that with – and I’ve started bleeding.

Ultimately…..I have just a few spots in the last 48 hours, so I am hoping all will be ok. The doctor said at this point it wasn’t a cause for concern and I didn’t need to go and see anyone.  I still have my scan next week, so I just have to hope and pray it actually shows a bubba and a heartbeat.  I have never wanted to wish my life away more…..I just want to fast forward until after the scan so I know either way.

I have to reiterate. This is not for the faint hearted! 

Stunned Denial

Despite these sticks showing clear positives over 3 different days, I still cannot believe that this means there is a little bubba growing inside of me.  After reading so many stories on the Internet, I just keep thinking these are false positives. 

I have a scan a week tomorrow. If I see something on the screen, then I might finally believe it.

I’m doing everything I should be though. I am still taking my Progynova 3 times a day and the Progesterone pessaries twice a day.  I seem to have alarms going off left right and centre to remind me! I am also taking vitamins for pregnant ladies.  I’ve also stopped drinking which has resulted in a few raised eyebrows from close family. Being the Greek Orthadox Easter this weekend has really made it difficult! I may have to cave and tell the family ahead of the scan.

Just in case this is real, I have also downloaded a pregnancy app on my phone, have started taking sideways photos to create a time lapse video should I get to full term and I have started moisturising my whole body twice a day to try and help reduce or prevent any stretch marks.

Symptom wise…..well this is the bit that concerns me…..I seem to be severely lacking. I found an online calculator for IVF due dates, and according to that, should there be 1 bubba, I would be due on 15 December. If it is twins it would be earlier. Anyway – that basically puts me at 5 weeks along. More often than not, I have a feeling in my belly that is a cross between period pain and trapped wind. Some days I feel bloated, others I’m not. I feel thirst permanently and my feet, hands and lips feel permanently dry. Even with moisturising twice a day, I am going through ALOT of hand cream too!  With all of these though, I feel like these could be side effects of the medication and not a clear indication of a sticky bean.

Everyone refers to the killer 2WW, but I know feel like I am in that all over again until my scan to know for sure. This process is not for the faint hearted. 

Test Day

In this (almost) 2WW, insanity has been my friend.  And I think I mentioned before – as has google.

In my trawls I found this really interesting table that I found really helpful for anyone going through this process.  It breaks it all down step by step on what (hopefully) happens with a 5 day (blastocyst) transfer:

• -1 dpt    Embryo is growing and developing
• 0 dpt   Embryo is now a blastocyst
• 1 dpt   Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
• 2 dpt   Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
• 3 dpt   Implantation begins, as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
• 4 dpt   Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
• 5 dpt   Morula is completely implanted in the lining and has placenta cells and fetal cells
• 6 dpt   Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
• 7 dpt   More HCG is produced as fetus develops
• 8 dpt   More HCG is produced as fetus develops
• 9 dpt   HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT.

I’ve had no particular symptoms.  I’ve been analysing even twinge in my belly and every small pain in my back.  But I’ve had no real pains, my boobs haven’t felt any different etc.  I was feeling bloated up until last Thursday, but that eased off.  I convinced myself the treatment hadn’t worked.  I decided to do the test a day early because I was supposed to take it on Monday morning (today), but I wanted to have Sunday to get over the upset if it came back negative.  I knew I wouldn’t want to face work.

But…..turns out I was wrong.  It was positive!  Instantly.  No waiting 2 minutes.

As soon as hubby woke up I told him.  His big boyish grin reassured me he was happy.

After work today, I went and bought 2 more tests.  I still can’t believe it.  I took one straight away when I got in, which again confirmed the positive result.  I will take another one tomorrow.  Just to be sure……

I am now booked for a scan on 24 April.  I’m not sure I will believe it until after that.  I am still yet to be able to say the words out loud either.  I am pregnant.  It might be a while before I can.

 

Crazy Lady

Crazy lady is officially here.

The two week wait (2WW) is incredibly hard and its only been 3 days!  Over analysing everything, and I mean EVERYTHING.  Every tiny twinge in the belly, every small ache in my back, every time I need to go to the loo.  I switch constantly between, ‘is this it happening (meaning implantation)?’ or ‘these are period symptoms, I bet I come on shortly and it will all be over’.

I’ve not been back into the office since transfer day either.  Maybe when I go back in on Monday, that will help take my mind off things.   I hope so!

Just a few updates though:

I have stopped:

• Taking my multivitamins. I realised late in this process that the multivitamins I was taking have Vitamin A and so are not recommended for those pregnant or trying to become pregnant.  Right now that is at least one less pill to take!
• Drinking as much Coke.  I actually went to the trouble of googling how much caffeine there was in a can of Coke Zero and the amount a pregnant woman is allowed.  There is a lot less in Coke Zero than I realised – but I have cut down drastically on how much I was drinking.  And that’s been through choice a lot of the time – I’ve just not fancied it as much.

I have continued:

• Taking my Progynova tablets – one, three times a day;
• Using the Cylogest Progesterone Pessaries;
• Taking my folic acid supplements;
• Eating a balanced diet, although being a little more careful.  Missing prawns already!

I have started:

• Taking naps!  A quick afternoon snooze.  I am not reading into this too much.  It is more likely to be from the progesterone than pregnancy;
• Being obsessed with You tube videos of how implantation works. Watching them wondering whether either of our little beans have stuck and survived.

8 more days to go until this misery is over one way or another!

One or Two?

In my previous post, I mentioned that we needed to make a decision…..a choice…..one egg or two for the FET.

I am all booked in for Wednesday at 2pm.

First of all – I would like to curse the internet.  Providing so much information (sometimes conflicting) that my head is ready to burst and full of worst case scenarios.  I know this sounds hypocritical, considering I am writing a blog online, but right now – I feel like ignorance would be bliss.  But, that’s just not my style.  I research, research, research.  I like to make informed decisions.

Up until now, the only decision we have had to make so far is that we want a family.  All the other decisions have pretty much been made by the doctors and we have gone along with them.  All part of the process.

But this ball is firmly back in our court.

From pretty early on, I was always inclined to go for 2 eggs (if that was an option).  Because I am over 35, it is an option (in my area, they will not do multiple eggs if under 35) and we have enough good quality eggs.  The main thoughts behind this were: we don’t mind having twins, in fact I quite like the idea albeit am petrified how hard it will be; I want to improve my chances of this being successful first time (surely 2 eggs have more chance??); and research has highlighted the risk that not all eggs survive the thawing process.

There are negatives in that; there are likely to be more pregnancy complications with twins; as I understand it I am at a higher risk of miscarriage because of my PCOS; if we were lucky enough for two sticky beans, they would likely need to be born prematurely which is a risk for them; and should something happen to one – there is a risk I lose both.

Then, at my last scan, the doctor said I should go for one.  The eggs are high quality and so she thinks its a given I will fall pregnant with twins.  Whilst I like her confidence….her main concern was the complications during pregnancy.  She also confirmed, if we went for one egg, and that did not survive the thaw, another one would be done immediately on the day, so there would be no further delays (another concern).

When I called the clinic to then make my appointment for the FET – I said that very thing because they already had the paperwork stating two eggs were to be transferred.  The woman was very kind and talked me through a few points; apparently alot of doctors advise against twin pregnancies due to the difficulties, but according to my notes, she said there was not reason to believe I would have any problems; this clinic’s success rate is 40 – 50% with one egg and 50 – 60% with two eggs; and in reality, as a clinic, they only advise against two eggs if there is a medical condition which means it really should be avoided, or we really don’t want twins.

This has swayed me back to going with two eggs again.

Now, I am bricking it.  A new concern that has entered my head.  What if the eggs do stick (yay) and then split? Forming 2 sets of identical twins??? Can my body cope with that? Would they survive??  In the past some of hubby’s family have joked around saying hubby was actually a twin, but the other twin didn’t survive.  I don’t think it is true…..I need to speak to my mother in law!

Has anyone else in this position actually been scared of success in this?  This is something that we have wanted for so long, but will change everything.  Are my worries normal?  I am dreading failure and a negative test at the end of the 2WW, but I am braced for it.  Or are all these random thoughts because of these hormone drugs???

Anyway – one step at a time.  4 days to go, and 2 eggs will be transferred.  Lets do this.

Time to call

My scan confirmed today that the Progynova medication has worked. My lining is ‘nice and thick’ – the apparent technical term.

My instructions now are to stop the Suprecur injections, continue with the Progynova tablets (1, 3 times a day) and start with the progesterone pessaries (2 a day, morning and night).  And, tomorrow I need to call the embryologist and book the transfer. The doctor said at a guess, that would be Wednesday next week. 6 days time. Wow. Seems real now.

She also advised me to only do 1 egg and not 2 as we were originally planning. She said all the eggs were top quality and a twin pregnancy could lead to more complications. But, she said it was ultimately down to us……oh the decisions.  I don’t mind having twins, I actually like the idea, but I don’t want to put myself in a position of something going wrong. We need to decide before I make the call in the morning!

I am continuing to struggle with the emotional roller coaster this week. This week was particularly stressful with hubby going away for a course and the the attacks on London yesterday (with a family member working in Parliament stress levels were very high until we got confirmation he was ok).

So here is hoping for a better week next week! For us and the country!

Starting Progynova

Today was a scan day.  Time to see if my body has been responding to the medication as it is supposed to.

Phew! It has.  My lining is thin as it is supposed to and my ovaries are ‘quiet’. The technical terms apparently!

So, I now start taking Progynova (Oestradiol Valerate) – 1 tablet (2mg), 3 times a day and 1 Suprecur injection a day (still 50 units).

Symptom wise – everything pretty much has remained the same.

I’m booked in for another scan in 10/11 days time. Hopefully my body responds to this next step as it is supposed to as well!

 

First week of Suprecur

It’s been just over a week since I started injecting Suprecur. 50 units twice a day, 12 hours apart.

To sum up how its been so far…….Tired, thirsty and hungry.

Tired – I’m not sure if that was related to a particularly hectic week seeing me travelling a lot around the country for work.  But I have felt drained.  My sleep has also been a little disturbed waking up feeling particularly hot and thirsty.

Thirsty – not just in the middle of the night as I’ve just mentioned, but all the time!  I am a self confessed Coke addict (Coca Cola that is….!) but the fizz hasn’t been doing it for me and I’ve been wanting, needing and drinking more squash (as I hate drinking water on its own!).  I quickly notice if I don’t drink enough I start getting a headache – feeling dehydrated and the headache always disappears once I have had a drink.

Hungry – I’ve been wanting to eat more this last week.  Again I don’t know whether that is attributed to a busy week or the medication.  But I am getting paranoid about putting on too much weight.  I have also tried to to eat healthier – so I have been buying a lot more fruit and making myself fruit salads to nibble on (although I will admit some chocolate has snuck through the net!).

The odd injection (literally one or two) have also left me with a slight bruise.  Not sure what I did wrong there, but it does make my pin cushion belly look less appealing than normal!

For anyone else that is on this I will also add one more tip – avoid travel that leaves your timings tight!  It just causes unnecessary stress that you don’t need.  And I quickly discovered public toilets are disgusting.  On one day I was about 40 mins late with my injection because I just could not bring myself to inject myself in a dirty toilet.  Totally unsanitary.  Awful.  So this coming week I have tried to ensure my diary means I get home from work in plenty of time.

So, onwards for another week until my scan. I hope my body has reacted as it is supposed to!

 

Starting Suprecur

Aunt Flo arrived this morning!  Only a few days beyond the 28 days.  That’s a shocker!

So, this means I will start Suprecur tonight.

Taking these injections every 12 hours will have its limitations.  I tend to be a homely person anyway, but the invites of going places seem to come along like buses.  I don’t get invited anywhere for ages and then suddenly they all come at once!  We were invited to go to Cornwall (a 5 hour drive from here in London) this weekend to see some friends, but I said that doing so would mean I would need to take enough injections with me – ‘just in  case’ I came on. And then we’d need to make sure we could get back to our friend’s house at appropriate times (call me weird but I don’t fancy injecting myself in a public toilet in a pub somewhere! – plus I need a sharps bin).  So, we declined.  I actually think hubby was a little relieved to not have to do so much travelling this weekend with a bad back!

Then this evening I was invited at the last minute to a friend’s house.  An impromptu get together – always the best kind.  But for my first injection – I didn’t really want to be round someone’s house in their bathroom hiding away.

Tomorrow I have to travel to Wales for a business meeting.  At least I know I can be in my own hotel room for the injections which will make it a bit easier.  Still not ideal but never mind!

Anyway – back to the topic at hand – I’ll start the injections tonight.  I’ve chosen to do them at 8 o’clock as that will work for me both in the morning and evening most days when I am at work as usual.  A fellow blogger also kindly advised me to keep hydrated and drink lots while taking these – and so I fully intend to follow that advice!

Suddenly we are another step closer to the FET!