Archives for the month of: October, 2015

  
Or was it Venus? No….I’m sure it was Mars.
Last night I had a melt down. I’m almost out the others side of it….so I can now recognise it’s not surprising really.  Some of the time I’m unhinged enough with my hormone imbalance from PCOS.  With all the added hormones floating around in my body….no wonder I don’t know my arse from my elbow.

And this is when I realise men don’t have a clue sometimes. Trying to say the right thing, but just antagonising even more:

“It’s not your fault” – I know that but right about now I feel a major failure as a woman that I can’t just fall pregnant at the drop of a hat. This does not help.

“There is nothing to cry about” – there is EVERYTHING to cry about. I want a baby so badly. Everyone around me is having them. This does not help.

“It will happen eventually” – shhhyeah right. It has been more than 8 years now on this journey. I want it NOW. This does not help.

“I just felt a bit pressured” – YOU felt pressured! I have to take how many pills a day, I learnt to inject myself and I have to shove pills up my mini, just to create a tiny window to conceive. But yeah, you are the one under pressure to get a hard on on demand. This does not help.

I know he’s trying, but sometimes that doesn’t help!

Rant over! 

Advertisements

When I got home from my scan on Friday….I showed you my goody bag.  I had to start taking the oestrogen tablets straight away 3 times a day. The injection had to go in the fridge and the doctor said she would tell me if/when to start taking the progesterone tablets.

First of all…..taking a tablet 3 times a day is hard work when it’s a weekend!!! With no routine, I felt like I was clock watching the whole day every day!! Up until today I’be actually managed quite well.  Today I went back to work and that’s when I realised at 4pm I’d forgotten to take one with my lunch! It was a miracle I remembered to take them with me!! I quickly took one, so will make sure I have my next one later than usual.

On Monday I had to go back for a scan.  The doctor said my lining had improved significantly and was much thicker than ever before. Yay! And I had one large follicle now measuring 20across.  All good….although I do wonder what happened to the other one that had been developing nicely on Friday!

I was then sent round to the fertility department because the doctor said I was ‘ready’ for the injection. So off I trotted with the injection I had (thank god) remembered to take out of my fridge and take with me!  I then had a lesson in how to do it myself….so technically, I injected myself. I was advised to learn so that if this month failed, I could do it myself next month. And Monday was my birthday….so go me on learning something new! Maybe you can teach and old dog new tricks!

The doctor has also told me to start taking the progesterone tablets.  Just one a day.  And while she was telling, that’s when I realised…..these are not oral tablets!!  Hmmmmmm!!  Maybe I should have read the boxes better!  So whilst the tablets with oestrogen are nice small blue pills, these are like bullets.  They have a waxy texture, so when opened they look like off white wax bullets.  I was advised to insert one each night into my vagina before I go to sleep.  Last night I did that and all was fine.  However, this morning, after having walked around a while etc, gravity did kick in and a small amount of the waxy substance was in my knickers when I nipped to the loo.  Nice!! But thought I should share!

Today I am ovulating! Yay again! But I have been pondering the technicalities of inserting the progesterone tablets.  If I do it before going to bed…..will ‘baby dancing’ force it to come out? Or if I leave it until after…..would that be ok with all the additional ‘juices’.  Sorry, cringeworthy I know….but just putting my thoughts out there!!  I think I’ll wait until afterwards……

So now, yet again, we have to wait and see. I am booked in for a scan next Monday to confirm that I have ovulated. In the meantime I just need to keep remembering to take all these tablets!

Today was a day 10 scan on my third cycle of Clomid.

The doctor confirmed that my blood test last month also showed low progesterone levels, so that’s both cycles showing the same trend.

So, instead of coming home with a lollipop for good behaviour….I came home with a different type of goody bag (& more expensive!)

  
My first thoughts when I got home…..”s**t just got real!

So today’s scan showed 2 dc net sized follicles, one on each ovary. 1 measured around 13 and the other around 12……is that millimetres??? Not a clue, but those were the figures she quoted at me!

Tomorrow I start taking oestrogen tablets – the Climaval 2mg. One, three times a day.

On Monday I have to have another scan (what a pleasant birthday present for me!). If the follicles have grown more, then I’ll then have the Ovitrelle 250mg injection.

I don’t know when I will then start taking the Cyclogest. I’ll find out more on Monday!!

I’m scared to read the leaflets that come with all these as the side effects normally sound so scary! But…….I’m going in!

  
Yep….round 3 of Clomid has started because yesterday Aunt Flo decided to pay me a visit 😦

The last 2 weeks have been the most stressful of my life with various things happening including my uncle passing away 😦 RIP Uncle Stan x I hope the stress doesn’t affect my chances….right about now, I feel I need this.  Please god let it work.

That being said, the family stress has resulted in a lot of conversations between me and my husband and what we want from the future. It was nice to refresh my mind with the fact we both really do want this and it hasn’t just become ‘routine’. My husband is quite a closed person and doesn’t tend to show much emotion, so it was a nice change, even under the circumstances.

I try to tell myself, it’s for the best it didn’t happen this month. You have your birthday party next week….at least this means you can drink! But who am I kidding!? I’m gutted as hell and would much rather have to turn down a drink. 

I must get a grip. Wallowing in self pity won’t make a baby. I’m alive and have a loving family. I could be in a much worse position in life.

Bring it on!

Today I was scanned…..being a week after ovulation.

It confirmed that this month I released one egg. Yay! But……why do I feel disappointed? Merely because last month there was 2! More than one egg to me spells more than one chance of falling pregnant….silly I know.  A weird way to look at it. Maybe that’s just me.

However, the doctor said again that my lining was thinner than she would like and the blood test I had last month showed my progesterone levels to be low.  So, off I was sent to have another blood test (and this one hurt!)

The plan now, is, if I don’t fall pregnant with this cycle….and I’ll know by this time next week!……I will likely get given oestrogen. She mentioned tablets….but also said I might have to have an injection. *sad face*

I learnt from my lesson before though, so I booked the scan appointment for next month just in case.  If I need to cancel it, then happy days, but at least I won’t have the trauma of no-one answering the phone for days on end!

The wait is now on for next week. Will Mother Nature visit?