So hubby went back to the hospital today and passed his breath test to show he’s not been smoking! Yay! So, as long as we don’t get a negative decision in the next week……it means we’re going on the waiting list. So that’s it. It’s the waiting game now.

The doctor also confirmed no more Clomid cycles for me either.  They said at the beginning that they would only let me go for 6 or so cycles, and it’s been that. 

So the next 6 months are going to be quiet. Life will carry on.  6 months takes us to October….when I will be turning 36. That is a scary prospect. 

I’ve also been contemplating more recently about what will happen if this fails as well.  

A friend of mine has just gone through her first round of IVF (which she had to pay for, for several reasons), but they didn’t even get enough eggs. Fallen at the fist hurdle. She will be going through round 2 to try again shortly.

Another friend has successfully had one child through IVF, and in the same clinic, but they have been trying for number 2. On the first attempt she sadly miscarried and on the second attempt, it as an ectopic pregnancy.  There are so many things that can go wrong. I’ve suddenly become petrified as opposed to hopeful. Is this normal I wonder?

I’m also feeling a bit guilty. Why am I going to all these lengths to have my own biological child when there are so many children in the care system that need a home now? Am I being selfish? Years ago when I started thinking about adoption, I was for it. I just want to be a mum. But as I get older….or further along this journey, I have started to become more curious to see what our genes together would look like. It has become more important than it was before.

Don’t get me wrong, if this fails, adoption will be the next step. But I am still hoping to have my own. Again, is this normal? Has anyone else struggled with similar thoughts??