I have friends going through the IVF journey, correction I HAD friends going down this same journey.
They’ve been married over 10 years. He had kids from a previous relationship and a few years ago became a grandad for the first time. I considered them both good friends. They go on holiday to Cyprus twice a year and if we were there the same time, we’d always meet up. We see him a lot more than we see her.
Up until a few years ago, she wasn’t sure whether she even wanted kids, but just over a year ago, she apparently made up her mind – she did want them. He didn’t.
Looking from the outside in, I feel like she has become the worst possible case scenario through this process and the exact thing I have tried to avoid becoming.
Back to the start, he was always clear that he didn’t want any more kids. She changed her mind. I feel sorry for him because he’s always been up front about his feelings. Because he already had kids, it would also guarantee they would not qualify for funding – so would have to pay for any and all treatment.
She convinced him to go through the first couple of rounds of IVF. Each and every time they did it – he resented her more and more. He can feel his marriage slipping away and she doesn’t seem to care any more. She is focused on her goal of having a baby and that is it. She finally achieved a few embryos of decent quality for a transfer. Her two week wait ended while they were on holiday and when she got the negative result it was horrific apparently. Crying (screaming apparently) mourning the loss of her baby. She sees it as a miscarriage. However hard he tries, he cannot get her to see there was no pregnancy to miscarry.
I’ve explained to him recently about my outlook on the process. How I feel and how I try to make sure I keep a steady head and not just go on a psycho emotional roller coaster.
This was not the best idea. Apparently in a recent row he told her she should look at it like I do. From the comments she apparently then made, she wants my treatment to fail. Hence why I said I HAD a friend. She, of all people, should know what it’s like to go through this process, but I can tell this is a competition for her….she does not want me to succeed.
It upsets me. I feel for all of us going through this and relish the success stories I hear. I might be jealous as hell, but I never wish it doesn’t happen for anyone! I just wish it was me too!
If it happens for us then it happens. But I hate knowing someone out there is sending bad vibes. And I feel sorry for him, he has all but lost his best friend. She’s gone – taken over by this baby seeking monster – determined to achieve it at all costs. I hope she realises how far she is pushing him before it’s too late, but from what I can tell, I’m not sure she will.
I know our friendship will never recover from this – I feel like it has been the ultimate betrayal (drama queen that I am). It’s such a shame.
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