Archives for posts with tag: happy

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So, it’s a few days into the new year. How many of you have already broken your New Years resolution??? Stop spending…..quit smoking……go to the gym?? Normally, I never kid myself! I’ll break it, so why bother making it??

But today, I read a headline that I thought – YEAH – I’m going to go with that as my resolution. If it works, then whey hey, life will be great. If not, well I broke all my other resolutions, so this would be no different!!

My new year resolution is “to be brave, successful and happy”.

I know I know, if I’m going to steal someone else’s resolution, I could have at least chosen something a little more specific and easier!!! But in for a penny, in for a pound!!

I then had to think about what I actually thought these would look like in my world.
Brave – I need to be more honest with my husband about my feelings and how important things are to me. Because I try to avoid being the nagging wife, I’ll not keep chasing him to do this, do that and do the other. But in doing this, I think he misses what I find important and what I don’t. So, rather than being scared of his reactions, I just need to grab the bull by the horns.
Successful – yet to figure this one out. But if I can achieve the happy part, then that would be enough for me. I’m not concerned about being successful in work or money matters.
Happy – well it means exactly what it says on the tin. But I’m coming to realise that it’s not about successfully doing x y and z to become happy. I want to be happy with what I have. I want to stop seeing the negatives and be genuinely happy with everything I do have. Although I have made true in roads into my mindset over the last year to achieve that – there is always that niggle at the back of my mind about wanting a baby. Grrrrr…get over it already. If its meant to be it’ll happen!!!

So there you go. My attempt at a New Years resolution!!

I was also watching a film today with a fantastic saying that I’ll try to remember going forward, as it might help me with the resolution – “It will always work out alright in the end. If its not alright, then it’s not the end!”

Love that!! So here we go! Lets see what 2013 brings!!

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Happy New Year to you all!
I’m entering the new year full of optimism, despite the fact I had to call in sick my first day back to work because of the flu!

I saw the new year in with some of my closest friends. We didn’t go out, but just spent time with each other. It was one of the best New Years I’ve had in such a long time. Relaxed and comfortable, no anti-climax or worrying about how much money we were spending.

I feel more in control than ever before. Even if my life doesn’t change drastically this year, it will because that’s the way I want it. But, I am determined not to procrastinate and to make this year count.

I also want to make sure I appreciate every day, and document more of them, including making sure I write on here more. Some of that will be easier, courtesy of the new camera we treated ourselves to for Christmas!!

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When I first started writing this blog, I thought I’d be writing frequently to explain how I feel the whole time. A bit of therapy for me as we’ll as sharing for others who are going through something similar, or to educate those that haven’t.

I’ve not been blogging as frequently as I thought, frankly because I’m bored of moaning all the time! Well that’s what it feels like anyway. I’m just grateful for the fact you guys have a choice. If I waffle on you can just ignore it!

I hate the person this ‘want’ is making me become. I’m scared of losing myself. I feel like I’ve become consumed by this desire to have a child.

I have a group of friends. Most of whom have had kids or are pregnant now. Some fell pregnant easily and others tried for years (like me). I notice the difference. Those who fell pregnant easily are still them, but with a kid. Those who didn’t have lost themselves and they are just their child’s mum. For example: my friend Kate has a daughter. She fell pregnant within 3 months of coming off the pill. When you first meet her, you can have a normal conversation and you would only know she has a child if you asked her. Another friend Lindsay tried for years. When you first meet her, you will know within minutes she has a son and will know everything about him. The conversation will constantly be steered back to him or motherhood. They are both devoted to their kids, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like Lindsay has lost her own personality along the way.

This is what scares me. I am me, and that’s who I want to be! And that’s who I want to stay! I want to be the best mum I can be, but I don’t want to lose who I am.

I want to be able to enjoy myself again. I find that every happy situation I find myself in in life is tainted by feeling that something is missing. Will that ever end? Will it only end once we have successfully conceived? What if that never happens?

I have my moments. Some days when I’m thinking straight, I know there are many many others in a similar situation. I’m not the first and definitely not the last to feel like this. Then I have the bad days; I’m thinking emotionally rather than straight. Those days mean I’m the only one in the world that feels like this, it’s all so unfair and woe is me. Sadly, having PCOS means I have a few more hormonal days than most making bad days more frequent.

For now, I am still fighting for me. I refuse to talk about it incessantly (which sadly means I’ve had to actively avoid 1 particular friend who has already lost herself), refuse to take pregnancy tests every month ‘just in case’ or take my temperature every day to see if I’m ovulating! I’m obsessing but forcing myself not to at the same time.

I hope I don’t lose me.

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When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.

The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was
Full.

They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full..

The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed..

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things—your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car..

The sand is everything else—the small stuff.

‘If you put
The sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children.

Spend time with your parents.

Visit with grandparents.

Take your spouse out to dinner.

Play another 18.

There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.

Take care of the golf balls first—the things that really matter.

Set your priorities.

The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented.

The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’

The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

 

Sunday.

Normally one of my favourite days anyway.  I love my family and always enjoy seeing them.

However, what made it great was my husband.  And not because he did something amazingly expensive, bought me flowers, or cooked dinner (if he ever did that last one I’d be sure he was guilty of something really really bad).  But because he was happy and we talked.

Now, I’m not sure if its the same for everyone, but my husband and I have been together now for almost 15 years.  We talk all the time, but about nothing (if that makes sense).  Little things that have happened in the day, that is on the tv, or yes – even on facebook!  But, there isn’t a desire, need or enough topics to have deep and meaningful conversations every day (in my opinion)!

Over the last couple of days I’ve been doing some research on the internet (medical research) and I’ve suggested he ask his doctor to do some blood tests to explore a different angle.  I’m not a doctor I know, but I have this inkling.  I had the same inkling years and years before I was diagnosed with PCOS – and I was bang on.  So maybe…….

It wasn’t just that he was receptive to the idea, but he was happy, affectionate and thoughtful.  I’m not suggesting he isn’t normally like that, but not normally all those things together.  The biggest thing for me was the happy part.  When he is happy – I am happy.

My husband still doesn’t understand how much his mood effects me.  If he is in a foul mood, I will be.  I’ll try and get him out of his mood, and if I’m not successful, I feel I’ve failed, and I take it all very personally.  I get annoyed with myself for being that way – but I can’t help it!

So anyway – today was a good day.  I’m going to sit back and bask in it.  I feel loved.  I have learnt to appreciate the power of a small gesture.

I hope you all had a good day too!

My first post using the wordpress app on my phone……I hope this works!!

Don’t you find its always those unplanned evenings that end up being the best? Last night (naughty me with it being a school night!) was one of those nights.  It all started with a throw away comment on facebook – happy birthday!

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It was to wish a cousin a great day. “Why don’t you pop over, I’ve put some jerk chicken on the bbq”. Done deal! We were there 10 minutes later.

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A couple of bottles of wine, a bottle of Vodka & a bottle of Brandy later….some were a little worse for wear!!!

We just had a giggle though. Being with family is the best. Its with these people that I can truly relax & enjoy the simple things. If I’m going to make a prat out of myself, it might as well be with these guys. In fact with our family, you’re not normal if you don’t!!! Its what fuels our conversations until the next ‘event’!

Laughter truly is the best medicine.  I went to bed grinning from ear to ear – well almost. I had a slight panic just as I got into bed that I
was going to have a major hangover for work the next day!! After downing a quick pint of water to help the cause, my grin re-appeared as I remembered a silly comment or stumble!

I love having a big family!!!

 

What a great saying to live by.  But oh so difficult too.

Today I was advising a friend not to worry about something he couldn’t control.  Their worrying wouldn’t change the outcome, so why waste the time and effort?  Worrying yourself sick about something only hurts you.  No one else will care.

Now all I have to do is practice what I preach!

I try!  If I find myself worrying about something, I try and step back and see the big picture. Will worrying change or influence what I am worrying about?  99% of the time it will be no.  So why bother?  Sometimes it works.  Not all the time, but sometimes.

So I am going to continue to try and live by the famous words of Bob Marley.

Don’t Worry Be Happy!

Music is amazing.

Do you ever hear a tune and as soon as you hear the first few bars, a big grin appears on your face?  You transport back in time to what felt like the most fantastic moment – a memory relived in an instant?

What else in this world can do that within 3 seconds?

Happy Dancing!