I have to admit this last month I’ve been struggling. I’ve been feeling really down and wallowing in self pity. I hate being like that and keep telling myself to snap out of it. All my problems are totally first world problems that are trivial. But not being able to snap out of it, just makes me more down as I start thinking like someone I don’t want to be.

I don’t know whether it’s all the medication or the stress of how long it is all taking or something else, but I’m pissing myself off!

It’s also made me self analyse.  I notice that when I’m really busy, my mind doesn’t have time to think negatively and the longer I am busy, the more positive I become.

I remember back when I was planning our wedding. It was nearly 2 years of planning. Practically every night having to look up or investigate something. Then the day was over. Now what? I totally get why people have babies straight after the wedding. It gives you something to do. It’s what we tried to do. So ‘in the meantime’ I’ve had other ‘projects’. Maybe decorating, or catching up on certain tv programmes (I’ve just binge watched the entire 5 and a half seasons of The Walking Dead in 2 weeks!). Whatever it has been, I’ve always obsessed with it – using it to consume all and any spare time. But I’ve suddenly found myself in a lull. Not knowing what to do with myself every evening. 

I need a purpose. I feel like I’m just waiting around for life to start. And not being able to control the when is driving me insane. So…..I have established…..I am an obsessive control freak!

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