I debated on whether or not to write a post right now or whether to wait until tomorrow when my head had calmed down. But I decided to write it now….so this may come across as jumbled!

This week I scared myself! I am part of a group on Facebook for fellow PCOS sufferers. I posted on there a question about how many in the group had suffered any of the side effects of Clomiphene/Clomid…..and which ones.

Practically everyone who responded said they suffered hot flushes and severe mood swings and emotional roller coasters. Hmmmm…great! Like I need any help on the mood swings! I’m generally a cold person….so maybe a hot flush will be a good thing?!? What am I letting myself in for?!

I went into my scan today with the expectation that no eggs had grown and that I needed to clarify some points around when to start the Clomiphene. I had the prescription with me as well so I could go to the pharmacy to collect it (as I actually read the paperwork properly and discovered I could only get it from the hospital pharmacy and not any chemist).

There I was babbling away to the doctor – who’s head I have already seen between my legs too often! – when she spots an egg…..fully formed and almost ready to ovulate.

WTF!! She admitted that I was having a longer cycle than would be normal, but there an egg was…..formed and ready. Excuse me????…..rewind……
‘It’s excellent news’ she said, ‘go have intercourse’. Obviously I didn’t take her to her word literally and jump on my husband….I had to go back to work!!

But now….my mind is in a whirl. I’m angry which is a weird emotion I know….but it just reaffirmed my belief that I’ve been totally let down by my GP. As soon as I was told I didn’t ovulate, we relaxed the whole forced sex cycle….any of you who are trying to conceive will know what I mean. Period math and perform on demand kind of takes the enjoyment out of things! So when we could go back to normal….’when the mood takes you sex’….. life was a lot more relaxed. BUT…had I known that I was ovulating….things would have been different. How much time had we lost out on??? Months….years??? I could have had a baby by now potentially.

And my head…..well…..that is all over the place now. I was/am totally psyched up for the long haul on this. I was expecting to go…confirm no eggs….take the tablets for 3-6 months and have them not work….and move onto IVF. Whilst I hoped all along things would work….I braced myself for the worst. To then get the glimmer of hope now that I could conceive naturally, I can’t quite take it in.

So, this evening has been a whirl….one minute I’m excited, the next I want to burst into tears. I’m not going to even let myself hope that this time next week I could be pregnant…the scan I’ve got booked will confirm nothing has happened and I’ll be told to take the Clomiphene to be sure I ovulate again next month…..