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I looked back at some of my previous posts. I’ve realised that I am avoiding writing how I feel by sharing some touching or funny stories. Don’t get me wrong, I love those stories and really wanted to share them, but in theory this is supposed to me helping myself through this time, and I’m not!!

So for today, I thought I’d make myself spill the beans!

I need a life! That’s how I’m feeling right now! Because of work, both mine and my husbands, we don’t see each other as much any more. I work days, and there are several occasions when he works evenings. This means there are several evenings (like tonight) where I am sitting here doing nothing productive.

I am one of those people that like to be busy. And right now I am far from it. So it’s times like this when I feel the desire for a baby more and more. I know people with kids say not to knock this time to yourself, that once kids come along I’ll never have a moment to myself etc. I guess that’s just human nature, you want what you can’t have. It’s like girls with straight hair wanting curly hair and those with curly hair wanting straight hair (a weird comparison I know but it’s what jumped into m head!).

I’m not moaning about having time to myself and I’m not moaning about not seeing my husband. I appreciate everything I have in my life, but I just want to continue us growing. To me that means moving on to the next stage. I’m bang splat in the middle of another baby boom with friends as well which doesn’t help. Some are now pregnant with their second or third child, and that’s what hurts even more.

I still hope and pray that it will happen for us. I’m not silly enough to think that falling pregnant will solve everything and that life will be all rosy. Kids are bloody hard work and I relish that thought. Someone might need to remind me of that at times in the future when struggling with the terrible twos, or dealing with teenage PMT! But right now, I’m ready to embrace it all.

Keep your fingers crossed for me! I need all the help I can get!!

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